He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
