eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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