2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
