I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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