what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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