Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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