Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
