Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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