I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
