I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
