I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
