so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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