Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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