I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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