can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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