maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
