I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
