thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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