Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
