i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
