I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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