the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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