Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And then he peed in my hair
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