Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
