Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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