Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
