so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
