i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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