I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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