Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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