I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
