great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
