dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
