is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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