All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
smell my finger.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
