just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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