Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
