3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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