I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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