I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she woke up with a sticky ear
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
