Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
