Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
