I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize