just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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