Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
