we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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