what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize