The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
