filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In other news, I just burned my penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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