3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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