I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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