Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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