Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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