I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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