His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize