I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
