Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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