Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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