I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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