I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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