Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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