I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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