I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
