i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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