i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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