Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
