He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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