Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
