Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
