I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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