So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
